Funny Job Insights

Funny Job Insights

Hi to all IA guys and gals. Feels good to meet u all after a long time. Sorry folks made u all wait for long to read my interesting articles on this blog (if u wud like to know, boasting increases self esteem and audience curiosity!). Does this show I am following marketing strategy of Tony and Diya’s blockbuster Jassi Jaisi Koi Nahi… Well…

Okays, enough of my self marketing fundas as of now, let me come to the point. I believe that a smile can spread smiles all over. A sweet smile is a natural cosmetic that adds to one’s beauty, my observation. And intelligence is what makes u different from others. So, I thought why not make a shubh shuruat by making u all smile with some funny insights of the job market which I found on some interesting websites. Here are some funny interpretations of what the employer and employees speak.


Take a look at these interpretations carefully, it might help u all in dealing with ur applicants/employer. Sir (and now Maloncho too) are to show greater interest, right?

Applicant Speak: what they say and what they mean by it

I know how to deal with stressful situations:
= I'm usually on Prozac. When I'm not, I take lots of cigarette and coffee breaks.

I seek a job that will draw upon my strong communication & organizational skills:
= I talk too much and like to tell other people what to do.

I'm extremely adept at all manner of office organization:
= I've used Microsoft Office.

My pertinent work experience includes:
= I hope you don't ask me about all the McJobs I've had.

I take pride in my work:
= I blame others for my mistakes.

I'm balanced and centered:
= I'll keep crystals at my desk and do Tai Chi in the lunchroom.

I have a sense of humor:
= I know a lot of corny, old jokes and I tell them badly.

I'm willing to relocate:
= As I leave San Quentin, anywhere's better.

I'm extremely professional:
= I carry a Day-Timer.

My background and skills match your requirements:
= You're probably looking for someone more experienced.

I am adaptable:
= I've changed jobs a lot.

I am on the go:
= I'm never at my desk.

I'm highly motivated to succeed:
= The minute I find a better job, I'm outta there.

I have formal training:
= I'm a college dropout.

I interact well with co-workers:
= I've been accused of sexual harassment.

Thank you for your time and consideration:
= Wait! Don't throw me away!

Employer Speak: what they say and what they mean by it

Entry level position:
= You'll be making minimum wage.

Entry level position in an up-and-coming company:
= You'll be making minimum wage; we'll be bankrupt in a year.

Profit sharing plan:
= Once it's shared between the higher-ups, there won't be a profit.

Competitive salary:
= We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.

Join our fast-paced company:
= We have no time to train you; you'll have to introduce yourself to your coworkers.

Nationally recognized leader:
= Inc. Magazine wrote us up a few years ago, but we haven't done anything innovative since.

Immediate opening:
= The person who used to have this job gave notice a month ago. We're just now running the ad.

Casual work atmosphere:
= We don't pay enough to expect that you'll dress up, although a couple of the real daring guys wear earrings.

Competitive environment:
= We have a lot of turnover.

Must be deadline oriented:
= You'll be six months behind schedule on your first day.

Some overtime required:
= Some time each night and some time each weekend.

Flexible hours:
= Work 40 hours; get paid for 25.

Must have an eye for detail:
= We have no quality control.

College degree preferred:
= Unless you wasted those four years studying something useless like Philosophy, English or Social Work.

Career minded:
= Female Applicants must be childless (and remain that way).

Apply in person:
= If you're old, fat or ugly you'll be told the position has been filled.

No phone calls please:
= We've filled the job; our call for resumes is just a legal formality.

Problem solving skills a must:
= You're walking into a company in perpetual chaos.

Requires team leadership skills:
= You'll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or respect.

Smile please....