Roots of our common fear
Why do people ridicule others? This question has been bothering me for quite sometime. I have tried to figure out some possible reasons for ridicule, here they are:
1. Show Dominance: I think those people who have the talent of speaking well try to show their importance in the organization. They think that stepping on those who aren't able to reply immediately or appropriately is a brave thing to do. By insulting others they will be able to raise their position. However, such actions may be due to number of reasons such as self importance, experience, etc.
2. Create Humor: Most people think that they will create humor by inter-relating others, making fun of their origin, looks or some of their peculiar actions. To an extent they may be right but overdoing it will definitely affect the person, he may express it or not is an altogether different case.
3. Experience: Some people make fun of others just because they've experienced such treachery from other colleagues maybe when they were in college, previous jobs...whatever.
4. Unknowingly: People may ridicule others unintentionally. Such people don't have the slightest idea as to how or to what extent they may be discouraging others. I don't blame such people because their instincts are inborn.
I have written on this topic because it is directly linked with fear. Remember the previous discussion we had? The major fears proposed were- fear of not expressing yourself, public speaking fear, fear of meeting deadlines and fear of doing new things. The last two might not be directly related to ridicule but the first two certainly are. I can give strong examples and even name the persons who ridicule others but this will not solve the problem instead it will make it more complex. Besides, if I pick on anyone it will be a form of ridicule which I don't think is the right thing to do. But even I admit that even I'm involved in such activities in some or the other way. Let's target this problem (or may be I think is a problem) collectively and come up with a solution. I feel that if we fail to find an answer to this question soon, the people who suffer ridicule might come up their own solutions which have the greater possibility of being negative than positive.
I expect everyone to comment at least on this blog, even criticize if necessary.
1. Show Dominance: I think those people who have the talent of speaking well try to show their importance in the organization. They think that stepping on those who aren't able to reply immediately or appropriately is a brave thing to do. By insulting others they will be able to raise their position. However, such actions may be due to number of reasons such as self importance, experience, etc.
2. Create Humor: Most people think that they will create humor by inter-relating others, making fun of their origin, looks or some of their peculiar actions. To an extent they may be right but overdoing it will definitely affect the person, he may express it or not is an altogether different case.
3. Experience: Some people make fun of others just because they've experienced such treachery from other colleagues maybe when they were in college, previous jobs...whatever.
4. Unknowingly: People may ridicule others unintentionally. Such people don't have the slightest idea as to how or to what extent they may be discouraging others. I don't blame such people because their instincts are inborn.
I have written on this topic because it is directly linked with fear. Remember the previous discussion we had? The major fears proposed were- fear of not expressing yourself, public speaking fear, fear of meeting deadlines and fear of doing new things. The last two might not be directly related to ridicule but the first two certainly are. I can give strong examples and even name the persons who ridicule others but this will not solve the problem instead it will make it more complex. Besides, if I pick on anyone it will be a form of ridicule which I don't think is the right thing to do. But even I admit that even I'm involved in such activities in some or the other way. Let's target this problem (or may be I think is a problem) collectively and come up with a solution. I feel that if we fail to find an answer to this question soon, the people who suffer ridicule might come up their own solutions which have the greater possibility of being negative than positive.
I expect everyone to comment at least on this blog, even criticize if necessary.
posted by Danny @ 10:10 PM
6 Comments:
At February 10, 2008 10:09 PM ,
Vishwa said...
Interesting read. However, a couple of points:
There is spiteful ridicule and there's good-natured fun. Both are very very different. Ridicule out of spite is not cool at all, and the only way to handle it is to make it clear that this is not casual humor and is not acceptable. But casual leg-pulling is just for laughs and to lighten up the workspace/college/school/family gatherings/etc. I'd say get over it. Ragging happens every where. Bullies are everywhere. And if there's no joking/laughing, it would be amazingly dull, wouldn't it? Humor is always at someone else's expense, even the most harmless kind of humor is at someone else's expense. And I don't mean to say it as if it is bad thing. It is just how it is. Think about it.
You'd come across all sorts of people,and the only way to handle this is to learn to desensitize yourself. Very hard for emotionally charged people, but that is the only way to deal with it. You can't go on feeling hurt and sulking every time someone says something nasty to you.
"Treachery" is a strong word. Bullying is more like it.
Also, I don't really think that personal fears are someone else's doing. That is just shifting the blame. Personal fears are just what they are, personal. You can't change other people, you can only change yourself. So if you have a fear of public speaking, learn to work your way around it instead of feeling sorry for yourself that oh its just so hard to speak in front of this person because he/she is guaranteed to laugh at anything I say.
Another little trick is to learn self-deprecating humor! Seriously, that helps. Learn to laugh at yourself, you'll soon find that its not as much fun ridiculing you now.
So what if you can't come up with wise comebacks when someone ridicules you? Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.
At February 10, 2008 10:42 PM ,
Maloncho said...
Ridiculing others is a favorite hobby of most....and everybody has ridiculed someone at some point of time in their lives. If it is done on a lighter note as casual leg-pulling, it is acceptable. But if it becomes a serious daily activity, it tends to get onto the nerves of the person who is at the receiving end.
It also suggests that the ridiculer is a person who suffers from 'illusion of grandeur' as he/she thinks too hig of self and too low of the other person and too an extent harms the self esteem of the person.
This is just one part of the story. It is always said and truly said..."Nobody can make you feel bad unless you allow him/her to". So dont allow that person to ridicule you. Either confront the ridiculer or ridicule him/her on his/her weak point. Believe me the person will think twice before ridiculing others. If the person still doesnt change, then he/she is shameless & its his/her own problem.
But the moral of the story is be strong dont let others take charge of you. Always remember one thing: keep your mind without fear and please please love thyself, rest all will fall into place.
At February 11, 2008 2:54 AM ,
Blosoom said...
Good post Danny.
However, I have another opinion to your first point:
Show Dominance: I do not think that those who speak are trying to ridicule the others around. They are in fact voicing their opinion over a given topic and giving the others an opportunity to speak. If the others don’t speak, it suggests that they simply agree to the argument in point. And if they are scared to oppose or even support by opening up their mouths, it’s their own personal fear of getting ridiculed. I don’t see “speaking in discussion” used as a means to insult/ridicule others.
Create Humor: True, creating humor beyond limits is not acceptable. And yes, Too much is too bad at times and I have experienced this myself. But I dealt with it very plainly. I simply let the person know that I felt it abusive and hurt. I am sure if that person has done it unintentionally (or even intentionally) he/she would be careful with you the next time. But on another thought, even if it does get out of limit, its not necessary that its intended to ridicule the person under consideration. I think the adage “no one can insult you without your own consent” holds true here.
Experience: This is true especially in college. But again health ragging is simply fine and should be taken up as challenge and not insult. At work, if anyone does it, I would consider it amateurish. And infact, I would laugh at such a person!
Unknowingly: I strongly agree with his one. There are few people who have the habit of speaking in an insulting tone in every damn matter. They are seriously not aware of what they speak and how others would take it (and I mean in the most common term – I bet anyone would get insulted by the way they speak). I know of a close person who has this in-born trait of insulting for absolutely no reasons at all. And believe me; this person does not have the intention from within to hurt the listener. And the worst thing is that such people are ignorant of their own thoughts and words and simply do not know its impact. They definitely feel hurt when you give them back in the same manner, but simply find it hard to accept or realize that that is exactly what they do to others. My solution to this is that I give this person the same way I get it (even if I don’t like it). Thus, I am at levels with this person.
At February 11, 2008 5:33 AM ,
Amit said...
Daniel. Thanks for taking this up.
I agree with all three comments above. I don't think casual leg pulling/banter is insulting. In fact, I'd indulge in casual banter only with those I care about, or am comfortable with. Its not meant to be insulting and should not be taken that way.
But then ofcourse, there's spiteful ridicule, which is not acceptable. That said, I don't think you can expect others to change. All you can do is change the way you deal with such situations. If something someone said hurt you, confront the person. I'm sure they'd understand, and if they don't, its simply not worth it!
Most people are reluctant to speak out for they fear being ridiculed. I believe this is merely a convenient way of blaming others for your flaw. Firstly, you don't know if others would ridicule if you, say, gave a presentation. And even if they do, they have a problem, not you. Lets just stop using that as an excuse for not speaking up.
At February 11, 2008 5:41 AM ,
Ullas said...
I think Amit and Vishwa covered everything I wanted to say. Just one thing, ridicule is a very strong word. There is banter, there is leg-pulling but ridicule takes it to another level altogether.
What I appreciate here though is the fact that you have expressed your thoughts without beating around the bush. Very direct and sincere. And when that happens, solutions follow soon, as you can already see.
At February 13, 2008 8:32 PM ,
Siddhi said...
you have expressed your thoughts very well... there's nothing more to add, as i m too late to post a comment...
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